A week in review, 2018-W02

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Chinese vocabulary

From Chinese word of the day:

出轨, 伙伴, 声调, 重要, 出错, 误会, 关注

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Watched

  • 色,戒 (Lust, Caution), directed by Ang Lee

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小七,鳄梨豆腐,豆豉鸡丁

鳄梨豆腐 (silken tofu with avocado) and 豆豉鸡丁 (black bean chicken) are both an exercise from Fuchsia Dunlop’s Every Grain of Rice. 小七 is a cat and he’s not supposed to be on the table.

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The worst things about running in the cold, in alphabetical order

  1. Breathing
  2. Having fingers

    1. -9°C. Feels like 17°C. And that’s a step up from last week.

      Breathing doesn’t hurt. It just leaves a funny sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach. Air doesn’t go down there. Where is that signal coming from? Hypothesis: the stomach is smarter than the brain, or at least has better survival instincts.

      And fingers. Two pairs of gloves. Three pairs of gloves. Doesn’t matter. Wind finds a way. And ten minutes into a run, the signal starts to break up, and the fingers don’t want to bend, and eventually they are there only if you look at them. Just useless, stiff, painless sausages. But wait, there’s more! In twenty more minutes you have a choice between (a) the pain of waking-up-fingers or (b) the anxiety of why-aren’t-these-fingers-waking-up.

      Trust me, you really need them to wake up. Try unlocking your front door while holding the key with two sausages. Possible, but not recommended.

Starting over–how hard could it be?

Have you ever looked over a cliff and felt vertigo–not to imagine falling but just feel the dizzying spin of the mind as it copes with the perspective and its implications. To brace for the impact that isn’t coming, but feels real nonetheless. To feel unstable even with four points of contact on the rock.

That’s what considering a professional shift feels like, anyway. The paychecks are coming, hands are on the rock face, something feels like it is floating down and away.

Instead of doing a web search for something obvious (“mid life crisis”) I opted for “know thyself”. Don’t ask me. I just live in this head.

The first (useful) link (that wasn’t about motivation or self-realization or some other claptrap that I’m probably going to be invested in within days at the current rate) was this one: Bence Nanay, “Know thyself is not just silly advice: it’s actively dangerous“. That’s not what I was looking for. I was looking for something a little more soothing so I could sleep tonight and make it through eight hours of work tomorrow. Just give me one of those quizzes and tell me what I am.

There is a huge difference between what you like and what you do. What you do is dictated not by what you like, but by what kind of person you think you are.

The real harm of this situation is not only that you spend much of your time doing something that you don’t particularly like (and often positively dislike). Instead, it is that the human mind does not like blatant contradictions of this kind. It does its best to hide this contradiction: a phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance.

And there’s a link in there to this paper: Quoidbach, Jordi, Daniel T. Gilbert, and Timothy D. Wilson. “The End of History Illusion.” Science 339 (2013): 96. (Full copy here wink wink.)

Let’s just pick off the first sentence to set the tone:

At every stage of life, people make decisions that profoundly influence the lives of the people they will become—and when they finally become those people, they aren’t always thrilled about it. […] Why do people so often make decisions that their future selves regret?

Google, show me “mid life crisis”. Mine, yours, anyone’s. I’m not picky. How much is a red convertible?

[…] people may believe that who they are today is pretty much who they will be tomorrow, despite the fact that it isn’t who they were yesterday.

That’s more promising, right? A person doesn’t expect to change much in the future because they don’t recognize how much they’ve changed in the past. That’s the “end of history illusion”. The vertiginous feeling is leaning into the future over what your brain believes was a horizon not that far away. Imagining yourself becoming something else is, in that case, not much different than poking your head through reality. How else would you expect a healthy brain to react?

Stepped in a self-help book

I avoid self-help, motivational books because they give me the creeps. They’re a little unsettling to me. They don’t seem to me like they have wildly effective advice–to the extent that they have any practical advice at all, not just some cover-to-cover affirmative statements–but they still irritate whatever gland that is that makes me feel like I’m missing out on something. How does that work? I don’t know. It seems best to avoid it.

(Obvious pivot.)

Sometime last year I listened to Tony Robbins on Tim Ferriss’ podcast, and this year he popped up in an old version of James Altucher’s podcast that I downloaded. He was pitching his book Money: Master the Game. That title… oof. Hard to swallow. That’s like someone trying to sell me a pair of pants by telling me that they’re women’s pants–even if they fit, no thanks.

I got it anyway. (From the library.) The book is mostly vapid so far, but it’s interesting. I told my wife that my new year’s resolution this year would be to learn how to manipulate people–which was a joke, by the way. This guy has definitely tapped into some frequency that keeps you looking out for the next thing coming in just a few more pages, a few more chapters. I don’t want to read it, but I want to read it. What is that feeling? That compulsion? I’m somewhere around page 90 and I’d like to go to the other book I’m reading, but I also don’t want to miss anything in this one.

When he was pitching the book on the podcasts, the part that attracted me wasn’t the Yes You Can Get Rich part of it, but the idea that money could be a game. That really hasn’t been addressed yet in the book. But the idea has stuck in my mind. I bet if I could model my finances, and turn it into some kind of game and learn how to play it better than I’m playing it now, I could do better. And feel less anxious about our national religion, Money. And I could learn how to do the coding along the way to model something like that.

So I’m expecting that aspect of the book–dumbed-down motivational guide–to help me out. There’s something about having a published author give me a list of things to consider that feels more valid than ideas that I have myself. I’ll take that list of 7 Simple Incredible Invincible Steps For Amazing Freedom And Empowering Empowerment And Whatnot and build a simple game out of it. I’m serious. Why not? If it works, it works. Should be rich by Friday. Gimme $20 on Monday and I’ll show you how.

(Bonus: Step Right Up. “The large print giveth / And the small print taketh away.”)

A week in review, 2018-W01

Wrote

Chinese vocabulary

开始, 军师, 当时, 开水, , 已经, 胆量

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