What gets consumed easily gets measured, and what gets measured gets managed.

What gets managed, gets measured.

What gets consumed easily sometimes doesn't really mean much at all in the big picture but now it's the thing that gets measured, so you measure it.

And it gets managed.

Now there's a clear deviation between reality and the measurements, but what gets managed gets measured.

What gets measured gets gamed.

What gets gamed gets internalized in the unwritten tribal rules and regulations that exist somewhere just outside of what gets measured or managed, but what happens in Work Club stays in Work Club.

If this is your first time at Work Club, you have to perform as if you are working.

Attaboy.

Meanwhile, we observe with straight faces as that which gets easily consumed gets measured, and what gets measured gets embedded in a PowerPoint slide, and it's basically law at this point.

What gets embedded in a PowerPoint slide is inviolable, you are committing a thought crime right now if you think otherwise.

Thought crimes will be recorded in your permanent record and you will be questioned very sternly and publicly as a warning to all those who might be likewise inclined, and let's not even talk about your performance rating.

Meanwhile, in one teleconference or another, maybe all of them, it's hard to keep up, the measurements are pouring in and the managements are pouring out.

It's really beautiful if you look at it from the right angle—like a great migration across some distant savanna, like salmon splashing up a river to spawn.

I didn't get a "harrumph" out of that guy.

We have to protect our phony baloney jobs.

What gets managed easily, gets measured.

What gets measured, gets consumed.

What gets consumed, gets excreted.

What gets excreted, gets consumed.

What gets measured, gets the whip.

What gets measured is the whip.

I am Jack's smirking metrics.

Harrumph.